


I came in through the window last night

by SiriusNebulae



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Crack, Dumbass!Nicky, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Teacher Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, crack but also nicky so clearly loves joe and joe loves him back just the same, has to go through the car window, he loves nicky, he went through the window multiple times for him, joe goes on a date with nicky, joe has to explain dating a white boy to his family, nicky argues semantics, nicky's car is 'broken'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:15:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26814973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiriusNebulae/pseuds/SiriusNebulae
Summary: "It's just that you know how car doors work, and you say yours are not broken. So, why on earth did we go through the window?"Nicky takes a sip of his water before stating calmly, "I can't open the doors, of course.""So they're broken.""No. I just can't open them.""That means they are broken." His head hurts."No, they are not. I can get in and out of the car.""Through the window."
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 42
Kudos: 253





	I came in through the window last night

**Author's Note:**

> Title from song 'My Own Worst Enemy' by Lit.
> 
> crack/turned kinda real after writing in discord server lol
> 
> adjacent to FlatEarther!Nicky

Joe had been on campus as a guest lecturer for an art restoration course, when he had accidentally bumped into someone, scattering their papers all over. After he had helped gather up everything, he realized that he had bumped into a cute professor, and not a student. Cute _and_ with an accent. He had asked if he could take him for coffee in apology, and had gotten a small smile and a quick exchange of numbers; he was almost late to his lecture watching the professor walk away. 

His name was Nicky, and he was a history professor. And the day Joe had knocked into him, he had already been late to his class, not that Joe would know with how calm he was when Joe upended him. 

Though they hadn't been able to coordinate their schedules to grab coffee, they had been texting back and forth constantly. They really hit it off, going from easy ice breaker questions to sharing their days and gossip, to just sending memes late at night. 

They decide to skip coffee and just go on a date after awhile, after realizing that they both liked the other and that they may as well with how close they've gotten. Nicky texts that he'll be by that Friday night to pick Joe up and they can drive to the restaurant. 

Joe is waiting outside the house where he lives with his parents and siblings that evening, aimlessly watching the cars drive by. A car slows down across the street, a kinda beat up green boxy car, nothing too atrocious to look at. He watches it as he waits for Nicky to show up-

-it's Nicky. 

He rolls down the window and Joe goes to wave, but before he can even call out, Nicky is somehow climbing out of the window? Completely straight-faced?

Joe can only blink in confusion, open mouthed, glancing back to the house in hope they haven't seen any of this. The curtains quickly shut; they're all laughing at him, he's sure of it. 

"Hi, Joe." Nicky ambles up to him, that small smile that Joe is in love with present. It's almost enough to make Joe forget that moments ago he had been exiting his car torso first through the window. Almost. 

"Hi Nicky." He smiles back, Nicky is dressed in black pants and a purple sweater, worn and well-kept. A bit different from his own button down and straight pants, but adorable nonetheless, he looks like the professor he is. "Is this, uh... safe?"

Nicky looks between him and the car. "Completely, why? Did you not want to go out? We don't have to, it's okay if you changed your mind-" 

"No, no, no," he interrupts, unable to handle Nicky's earnest look. "Not at all, I'm really looking forward to this." 

"Oh," that small smile is back. "I'm glad. Shall we go?" 

He gestures across the street, and Joe sends a silent prayer to Allah before he steps off the curb and approaches the car. 

Nicky is waiting by the open window and nods encouragingly when Joe hesitantly gestures to the window. He hopes his family isn't looking, he really does, but he knows that's impossible. Not when they could see him making a fool out of himself. 

He takes a deep breath and throws a leg over the car door, foot planted on the drivers seat as he hauls himself in, knocking his head, knees, and elbows all over the car interior before he falls into the passenger seat, blustered and dazed. 

Nicky somehow climbs in easily after, but he supposes that if one does this regularly (does he?), one would become adept at it. Again, he looks super chill about it and doesn't mention it either.

When they park at the restaurant, Joe realizes they're going to have to it all again. And now they aren't even on a quiet residential street, they are in the city with people enjoying the evening. He tries to be discreet about seeing who is around them, but it's ruined when Nicky just exits through the window again, no big deal. 

"Coming?" Nicky says softly, streetlights lighting up his face. 

"Of course." Joe throws caution to the wind and climbs out.

Once they've been sat, ordered, chatted a bit, and started on their food, Joe finally feels like he can ask about it. 

"So," he's trying to be casual, "uh, how long have you had your car for?" 

"Hmmm," Nicky pauses to think. "About 5 or 6 years?" 

"Nice, nice," he nods, takes another bite, "was it a hand me down?" 

Nicky looks confused. "No, I bought it new. Why?" 

Joe's mind flashes to the car, its scrapes, many bumper stickers, Nicky climbing out the window. He takes another look at Nicky, quiet, calm, and beautiful, trying to figure out how such a mild-mannered professor could have such a car, and apparently only bought it 5 years ago?

"Oh, no reason." They eat and chat some more, though Joe is ashamed to admit that he is still stuck on the car. Most people would be, right? Like, someone having you climb through their car window with no explanation would stick in most peoples minds?

He cringes when he opens his mouth, "so, what's with the doors?" 

Nicky pauses where he was gesturing and explaining some history point or another. "What do you mean?" 

"Um..." Does he not know what Joe's talking about? Like, they went through the _windows._ "...well, they don't seem to work?" 

"Yes they do," Nicky replies immediately, again looking at Joe in confusion. 

"Ummm, okay. How?" Fuck, this better be a good reason, what the fuck is going on? Joe is never going to live this down, but more importantly, he can't let this go until he has an answer now. 

"Doors let you go into the car," he gestures, "doors let you get out of the car. We go in and out, so it works, yes?"

"Nicky, dear," he's leaning forward now, "you teach at the university, you go out in public." He takes a deep breath. "Have you seen anyone else, just by chance, getting into their car in the same was as you?" 

"Of course not." Nicky is again looking at him in confusion. "Theirs work just fine to get in." 

Joe looks around, trying to see if maybe this was all an elaborate prank or something? There's no way this is for real, no way Nicky has been just climbing through car windows while he knows how car doors work- what the hell? He knows he really likes Nicky, could even love him. This is just seems a bit too much right now.

".....okay, so you know to open the door to get in?" He just has to double check. 

"Of course, Joe. Are you feeling alright? Did you want to leave early?" 

Joe waves away his concern. "No, no I'm fine. It's just that you know how car doors work, and you say yours are not broken. So, why on earth did we go through the window?" 

Nicky takes a sip of his water before stating calmly, "I can't open the doors, of course." 

"So they're broken."

"No. I just can't open them." 

"That means they are broken." His head hurts. 

"No, they are not. I can get in and out of the car." 

"Through the window." 

"That is part of the door, no? Ergo, since I can get in and out of the car, the door still works. It is not broken." 

They both stare at each other. 

Joe breaks the silence. "You do understand we went through the window, right? We climbed in feet first through your window, and you said nothing about it." 

"Yes, Joe." Nicky sighs. "Why are we talking about this? I am not sure I understand- I thought we would talk more about ourselves, that is what a date is for, yes?" 

"You're right, of course. I'm sorry, of course I want to know more about you." Joe takes a deep breath, Nicky is right. This was so they could be together, have a nice night and a nice dinner. 

It's just-

"Would you excuse me a moment?" He's already out of his seat when Nicky nods, walking straight to the bathroom and locking the door behind himself, phone already in hand. He quickly pulls up his group chat with Nile and Andy. 

_why did i climb thru his windows???????????_

**what??** Nile responds immediately; already prepared to call him in an 'emergency' if things went sour on his date.

_he had us climb through his car windows to get in, not the door_

**ummmmmm, wtf**

Andy responds, which is always a miracle in and of itself. **_okay, here's what you do. don't mention anything. when u get inside the car, unlock the manual lock, punch the middle of the door three times, then pull the handle UP when u try to exit._**

_????????_

**?????????**

**_he'll call it the work of god and mutter, but it means u can leave thru the door_ **

_???????_

**won't he notice u being gone this long?** Nile reminds, causing him to check the time.

_shit! text when i complete a work of god, gtg_

He calmly goes back to their table, and they finish their meal talking about their lives, their embarrassing stories, anything they haven't shared already. 

Joe has an amazing time, he really does after he lets the car window issue go. Nicky is just the same funny and charming, soft spoken man he has gotten to know over text and phone calls. They mesh together so easily, that he barely even notices time flying by. 

Even when they exit the restaurant, he's had such a great date that even the sight of the parked car can dim his smile. When Nicky smiles and exaggeratedly bows, gesturing to the window in a 'please, after you' manner, Joe can't help his laughter. He once again clambers gracelessly through the window, hitting his head and knee at least five times before he manages to sit down. 

Nicky, also once again, climbs in gracefully, as though an eel or greasy slinky. There is still no mention of going through the window, but at least Joe has a glimmer of hope, for maybe, just _maybe,_ he might be able to open the door. According to Andy's very specific instructions.

He keeps an eye on Nicky while they drive, and slowly feels along the door at the window slot, trying to find the lock Andy had mentioned. His fingers run into a bump, and he pulls at it, silently cheering when he hears the door unlock.

Nicky turns to smile at him, and he hurriedly drops his hand and smiles back, both to appear like he wasn't doing anything, and also because Nicky really is wonderful and he had a great time tonight. When Nicky turns back, Joe gets nervous for the next step: punching the door. Not because he could hurt the car (it had seen much worse, obviously), but because it might alert Nicky to what he was trying to do. Just before he resigns himself to trying to play off him punching the door as some other noise (pot hole? bird?), they hit construction: an entire long, bumpy road. The noise of going over damaged and uneven noise is loud, and Joe quickly takes the opportunity to punch the door while he can.

Again, Nicky notices nothing, and Joe has to boggle a bit, but, this _is_ the man who had them go through the window like it was no big deal. So, situational awareness doesn't seem to be the strong skill here. 

If he's done this right, the door should be prepped to open when they get back to his place, should _hopefully_ open normally, which means he can spare himself the ridicule of climbing out of the window in front of his family (he's ignoring the fact that they've already seen him climb _in_ , he loves them but they are _ruthless_ ), as well as trying to explain it all. 

"Is it down here?" Nicky asks quietly, startling Joe a bit. He quickly recovers and nods.

"Yeah, right down this street." 

"Yes, this is starting to look familiar, sorry I forgot." 

"It's totally fine," Joe assures, "you literally just picked me up once two hours ago." 

Nicky smiles softly. "Yes, that is true. But I would like to show that I want to know more about you." 

Joe absolutely _melts_ at that, warmed by the thought of Nicky trying to remember things about him, trying to show he is listening and caring in such small ways that made a world of difference. 

Of course, he managed to do show it in the creepiest way possible- if anyone else had said they wanted to memorize his address for the future, he would have punched, blocked their number, and locked the door extra tight at night. 

But Nicky had said it so earnestly, was oblivious to what others might think, he only wanted Joe to know he cared. 

"Thanks," Joe said quietly, blushing. They pull over across the street from his house. 

Joe once again hopes that his family won't notice, but with the number of lights on, his hope is misplaced again. Please let the door work, please. 

"I had a great time, Joe. I would love to do this again sometime." 

"I did too, Nicky-"

"-Nicolo-"

"-Nicolo," Joe smiles. "I wouldn't say no to another date." 

Nicky smiles back, ducking his head. "I'm glad." 

Joe can feel his chest warm at the shy nature of Nick- _Nicolo-_ and how much he already loves him. Somehow, despite having to climb through his window, Nicky is still amazing and Joe wants to be with him. 

Speaking of windows, Joe should probably try the door before Nicky begins his slippery escape out the window-

He sees the curtains twitch.

It's now or never; now or never live it down for the rest of his life. 

"You'll text me?" He asks Nicolo, subtly angling himself closer to the door. 

"Yes," he smiles and reaches out slowly, placing his hand over Joe's carefully. "I will text you tomorrow, yes?" 

"That works for me," Joe replies softly, distracted by Nicolo's shy touch on his hand, how happy the man looks just to be touching him plainly. His love grows even more. 

Slowly, so slowly that Nicolo can see it coming and more, he leans in and presses a kiss to Nicolo's cheek, the warmth of his skin and the peace of being near him making him close his eyes. 

He pulls back slowly and smiles at Nicolo's bright blush. Before Nicolo can recover, his hand is on the door handle and he is pulling it UP UP UP and hoping against hope that it will work, that Andy has known the secrets of this car and it will solve his problems, that Nicky won't climb out the window again-

He gasps when the door automatically moves, actually, it opens slowly and with screams of oppositions from the hinges. He makes his escape quickly, nonetheless, as if the door will change its mind and suddenly he will be forced to utilize the window again. He hurries out and sighs in relief at the feel of grass under his feet. 

He walks around the car to say goodnight to Nicolo, who is already deeply muttering like Andy had warned him about. Joe doesn't know Italian, or at least doesn't know enough Italian to make out the words Nicolo is emphatically cursing, but he still laughs at the look on his face. 

Nicolo notices him. "It is a work of God, Joe. Sometimes things like this just happen, yes?" 

Joe laughs again, teases: "Of course, I'm glad you've been blessed with a miracle like this." 

Nicolo smiles, looks at him gently, places his hand on Joe's cheek. "I am too." 

Joe blushes again, can't believe Nicolo just said that and meant it, takes a step back. "Tomorrow?" 

"Yes, I will text you tomorrow." Nicolo smiles one last time.

Joe hurries across the street, to the sight of curtains being hastily pulled back. When he reaches the other side, he turns to wave on last time at Nicolo.

"Bye!" He yells across the street. He knows he's blushing, but hopefully the darkness will hide most of it before he has to go inside. He had an absolutely amazing time, even with the car window. Even with Nicolo being kind of weird at times that Joe was unsure how Nicolo hadn't noticed just a little- but he really really liked him. He realized that he could love him in time, easily. Maybe he was already halfway there. 

He was going to have to endure endless teasing from both his family and friends for getting with such a ridiculous man. 

He waves one last time to Nicolo, who waves back while starting the car with one hand, calling "Ciao!" as he drives off. 

Joe turns toward his house and sets his shoulders. He walks up the sidewalk, past the plants on the porch, unlocks the door, takes his shoes off at the rack, hangs up his jacket, and sighs when he can't see his family immediately- they must be in the kitchen, lying in wait for him.

Stepping into the bright kitchen, his entire family is there, and they turn to face him with devious smirks, eyes alight with joy at his imminent suffering. 

"Yes?" He says resignedly, shoving his way past them to grab a glass of water. No one speaks until after he has taken a sip, eyeing him the entire time like predators seeing easy prey. 

"Oh nothing," his father says, smiling as he absently moves his crossword puzzle aside. "How was your evening?" 

His sister is the first to break, voice loud as she interrupts, "Yeah Joey, how _was_ your evening? Was it romantic to b&e a car?"

His family all snort at that, jabbing elbows as they give up even their thin veneer of calm. 

"So," his younger brother smirks, "I didn't realize you liked... tall people." 

His sister snorts loudly, "oh my god, you can't just say that!"

He rolls his eyes, looks to his mother who's grinning and happily watching the teasing. 

"It was fine," he says calmly, answering his father's original question. "We had a great time together." 

Maybe if he doesn't mention the window, no one will ask him about it? 

Who is he kidding? This was his family, they weren't going to leave such an embarrassing opportunity to go to waste. He needed to figure out what to say when they inevitably asked him why on earth he had climbed through the car window. It had to be a really good answer if he didn't want to be laughed at for falling for such a cute dumbass.   
  
He's gotta figure out what he's going to say, something he could say that would explain with _any_ semblance of logic, that would let him get out of it with his shreds of dignity intact. 

Before he can think of something, he twin brothers are going in for the kill: "Why the _fuck_ did you go through the windows??" 

The deadly blow; delivered with eager eyes and laughter. 

His brain is frantically searching for an answer, anything he could say. He almost kicks himself when he finally figures it out: "You know, ...just, white people." He shrugs. 

His family all laugh and nod at that, his mother beckons him over. "You fell for a dumb white boy, Yusuf?" 

He blushes and smiles. "Yeah, Mama. I did." 

She just smiles warmly and pulls him against her side, turning back to everyone. His family is excitedly demanding how his night had really gone, what Nicolo was like, where'd they go. Joe is so happy to be surrounded by his loving family, after a great night with a great man. The window is all but forgotten as he describes his fantastic night with Nicolo, family listening intently and smiling at his happiness. 

**Author's Note:**

> comments, kudos, recs, i love everything! i'll reply to all comments to, my dears <3
> 
> let me know what u thought of dumbass!nicky, if u have any other ideas, etc lmao


End file.
